Surf’s Up?!

Today, I had my very first surf lesson.  As I maneuvered my way into my brand new full body wetsuit, I had a strange thought flash into my mind…this is what it must feel like to be a penis inside a condom.  (Where this stuff comes from, I truly don’t know).  But I then quickly realized that the only thing that wasn’t covered was my head, which obviously from a penial perspective wasn’t good and thus defeated the whole purpose.

Ok, so maybe that was a bad analogy.  Maybe this is what a seal feels like? Or a sausage?  Or a banana?  Enough already.  Whatever object I was channeling at the moment, it didn’t matter.  The bottom line is that I definitely learned a few things today.

1) Go to the bathroom twice before you put your wetsuit on.  I went once but I swear as soon as this skin tight contraption had me trapped, I was convinced  I had to go again which definitely wasn’t going to happen.

2) Don’t eat breakfast 15 minutes before you put your wetsuit on.  The 2 eggs I ate stopped digesting about a quarter of the way down as soon as I slid into this baby because I could barely breathe let alone allow any organs to continue to function properly hence the instant nausea.

3) It’s best to put your wetsuit on right before you go into the water, not in your living room 15 minutes before you are ready to leave.  The neoprene felt more like a convection oven (now, I know what a Thanksgiving turkey feels like) and I immediately started sweating up a storm.   And of course, the natural lubrication process sent me right straight back to thinking about you know what.  I decided for the sake of zero deodorant and the strange slimy sensation that was coming over me, I would only keep it on 1/2 way on until I made it to the beach.

4) No matter how hot you get, don’t drink any water once you put your wetsuit on.  See #1.

5) Take 5 deep breaths before you zip up the back because that is just about when the claustrophobia sets in and you feel completely stuck inside this thing with no way to get out.  I honestly thought I was going to have a panic attack.  I must have died inside of one in a past life because I was starting to have flashbacks.  And please note, once you start sweating inside, removing this thing is twice as hard as it was to get it on.

Luckily, I was finally able to make my way to the beach, found my surf instructor and had an absolute blast.  I was a little worried about having “performance anxiety” because I was definitely out of my comfort zone but surprisingly I was able to get up a few times and catch some fun waves. 🙂  It was amazing.

Here are a few of my beginning surfing tips.

1) Bring tissue for the aftermath. The ocean is nature’s Neti pot and it isn’t pretty.

2) While booties keep your feet warm, they prevent you from sliding your feet around to adjust your positioning.  Go barefoot, what is the worst thing that can happen…Shrinkage?  Once your feet are numb, you won’t feel a thing anyway. 🙂

3) Size matters and these beginner foam boards are big.   My instructor told me to carry it on my head, literally. (WTF?) As he then leads me down 100 sandy steps, across the rocks all while trying not to fall as my arms are aching before I even make it to the ocean.  IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure to hook up with a nice hot surfer beforehand to carry it for you because man, that thing was heavy!!

4) If you are going to try and take off your wet-wetsuit in the parking lot, put out a tip jar for the free show you will be giving everyone (while trying to keep your towel on) when you are literally wrestling like crazy trying to get your legs free from the beast. It was like a Britney Spears/Paris Hilton moment except I wasn’t getting out of a limo or a hot sports car and certainly wasn’t going to get into any decent club at the moment looking like I did.  At one point, I actually debated on just driving back home with the damn thing around my ankles.  Might be awkward to explain to a police officer why I’m naked with a wetsuit around my ankles although if he could grab one leg and give me a little assistance, I would be super grateful.

5) Wet, sandy, dirt does not go well with gray leather interior.  Trust me.

Well, now I’m off to try and rinse my Psycho 2 off (it’s the actual name of my wetsuit, I swear!).  Brilliant marketing and I couldn’t have come up with a better name for it myself.  I think I’m supposed to rinse it…..inside out?  Hmmm. Wish me luck!

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New Morning Routine

Well, I’ve figured out a way to start off my day on a positive note.  2 words.  Dance Party.  Oh yes, I’ve decided that every morning I’m going to get up and put on some tunes for 15 minutes (minimum) and have my own little private dance party.  I love to dance and a great music always puts me in a good mood.

This brilliant idea hit me yesterday as I decided to make a mix CD appropriately titled “Summer Jamz 2012” for my BFF.  (Yes, I’m 40 and officially using terms like BFF).  I actually can’t remember the last time I made a mix CD or used a word that I switched the “S to a Z” but it all felt light, fun and carefree so I went for it.

See, I was heading to my BFF’s daughter’s 8th birthday dinner when I decided to sync up my iPod with some new tunes.  My daughter has a knack of finding awesome new artists and I have a knack of paying for a big iTunes bill each month.  Perfect match, eh?

Once, I tried to put her on iTunes restriction once by only giving her a limited amount of gift card dollars each month but then I got too lazy to actually go out and keep buying the cards so that eventually dropped off .  Plus, when I wanted to download my own tunes, it would use her credits first instead of my credit card and then it just all felt too complicated. It seemed like more work for me than teaching her the concept of “music moderation” so I scratched that idea.  In addition, she told me that music fuels her soul and she can’t live with only 10 new songs a month so how can I put a cap on that? 🙂

I’m pretty sure when she goes to college, she’s going to go through iTunes withdrawal and likely will turn to the dark side of free music download sites for her music fix.  For some reason I taught my kids it’s more honorable to pay for your music then get it for free.  They agreed, especially when I am footing the bill.  😦

Anyway, every couple of months, I ask her to sync her laptop up with the family computer so I can download some of the things she is listening to (and I’m technically buying) which pretty much has me uploading to range of Top 40, Alternative, Indie and general miscellaneous of current popular teenage songs, explicit lyrics and all . 🙂

One day while we were in the car, out of no where, she busted out some old school N’Sync.  I was so excited I started dancing and singing which I think totally shocked her especially since I knew all of the words.  And ok, I admit it.  I had (um, had? Have) a thing for Justin Timberlake.  Crazy.  (Speaking of which, Insert song clip here, You drive me crazy, I just can’t sleep, I’m so excited, I’m in too deep) Thanks, Britney Spears circa 1999.  They were such a cute couple back in the day, don’t you think?

See, once I learn the lyrics to a song, it sticks in my head…forever.  So often, when I am typing or saying a word, I get a song clip that starts playing in my mental background along with a video clip if I have that in my brain archive as well. I grew up on MTV too.  That was really back in the day when they used to play music videos 24/7.  Do you remember in the early 80’s when there was only like 10 music videos that they played over and over and over again? 🙂

So guess, what I started the morning off with today?  Justin Bieber!  Did I say that outloud?  Yes, I’m 40 years old and me and the Bieb’s were getting swaggy (sp?).  I’m sure I’m not spelling or even using that term correctly but who cares.  I’ve got dance fever.  I’ll spare you the flashback song that just popped into my head which strangely was Bee-Gee’s related.  Hmm. Odd coming off a few new hits from JB but I try not to question my madness. Don’t worry, I’ve got some higher quality musical tastes too.

The good news is that I’m definitely reconnecting with myself and this is just one of the new ways I’m finding some inner happiness.  There are a couple of great things about my new morning routine like I don’t have to do my hair, makeup or put on some sexy outfit to strut down the hallway and feel awesome.  Also, I don’t need a date or need to be at a club to whip out my best moves.  But most importantly it just feels really good and makes me happy….and that is really the only thing that matters most. 🙂

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The Return of the Writer

Welll, guess who’s back from Bali?  No, not this taxi driver, he’s still there (but I thought his marketing strategy was pure genius).  It’s Me. 🙂  I initially had all of these grand plans of writing during my vacation but obviously that didn’t happen.  Then when I came home last week,  I had some even grander plans of writing a play by play summary of my trip (complete with entertaining photos) starting with how I missed my flight leaving SFO (not by minutes but by hours, 12 hours to be exact but I’ll tell you all about that later) to all of the wonderful things we saw over the 2 week exploration of the beautiful island(s). But that clearly hasn’t happened either.  I’m kind of in this post vacation haze, at least that is what I have been telling myself for the last 5 days.

See, since I’ve been home, I really haven’t done anything. Nothing.  No, I’m serious.  I really mean it this time.  And there is something different now from all of the other times I’ve been telling you I haven’t been doing anything because this time it’s not just a motivation thing, it’s an inspiration thing.  Which clearly seems to be missing, along with the Writer of course who I found locked up courtesy of Mr. E.

As you may or may not know, I’m on a constant search for meaning and purpose in my life. Partly because that’s just the way I’m wired and I do also believe that it is part of my soul’s journey this time around.  But what has me more than a little bit spooked is when I’ve got nothing going on and it seems like the days are just flying by one after another with no end or meaning in sight. Yikes.  It’s really getting bad because I’ve actually been thinking the last couple of days, Shit..if this is way it’s going to be, I might as well go back to work.  Because I’m starting to get sick of myself.  I took this year off of work to find myself or balance myself, recharge, renew, or whatever and if I’m really not going to be doing that, well then I might as well go back to work and stop sucking my savings account dry. The Executive and his Accountant agrees.

You want to know the first thing that struck me the moment I returned from vacation?  How many walls are in my house.  See, Bali is open air everything.  Bathrooms, bedrooms, restaurants, temples, horse carts, you name it.  Nothing but plants, trees, ocean, sky, rain, air.  And maybe a few mosquitoes too but let’s not ruin the moment ok?  And the second I stepped back into my house I immediately felt enclosed.  Confined.  As if I suddenly I actually had too many walls in my house.  Literally and figuratively.  It felt like a metaphor.  So I started running around and opening all of the windows (at 10PM while  give thanks to the window screens gods) as if I felt a strange urge to try and create some space, bring in some fresh air, reduce the structure in my life. You know, open things up a bit.  But it didn’t help.

After further contemplation, I realized this was an interesting insight and now I’m beginning to see the thread.  Not just represented specifically in the lack for writing for one (which seems to have escaped me the last few months) but for trying to figure out what to do with my life in general. I’ve kept myself in a box.  It used to be a nice neat controlled space but now, everything is falling away.  Not just the job and writing but I’ve seemed to have thrown everything else out in the last few weeks too, meditation, exercise, consistent sleep, etc.  And guess who is in charge of this horrible new strategy? You know who.

I have come to the sad realization that that reason I wasn’t blogging in June was because I was too busy bitching.  Inside my head, of course.  Oh yes.  And I’m the type of person who always puts others before myself so the last thing I want to do is bitch out loud.  Thus no writing because who wants to listen to my shitty attitude?  Not me.  And I’m assuming not you either.  So, I’ve just kept it all to myself.  Ruminating.  Thoughts, running around my head, over and over and over again.  And if I’m not mentally bitching about something, then I’m likely worrying about whatever is or isn’t happening that should or could or would likely be happening if only I wasn’t stuck knee deep in shit that very moment.  Yuck.  It’s my own personal hell led by you know f*ing who. Yep, General E and Sergent Hyper-V.  Looks like since P’s finally out.  H-V is in.  Bastards.

When I returned from Bali last week, my therapist called to welcome me back and see how my trip went.  (He’s super fabulous like that) I gave him a brief check in via phone and told him I really didn’t have any issues to discuss right now.  HA! Yeah, right.  No really, that’s what I said.  “Greg, I’ve got nothing going on in my life so I don’t think I need a session right now.” And I meant it which is something that I have never if ever said. I mean I’ve always got something I can talk about, right?  “Ok, he says, call me if you need anything”.

4 days later (today) I’m in his office with tears streaming down my face (so much for not needing any therapy, eh?).  Because last night between 2:30-4:40AM as I’m laying there trying to figure out what is going on with my life, is when I finally realized Mr. E has been  in the drivers seat for weeks (ok, months). And nothing is going to change unless I step up and get back in charge of a few things immediately.  So, we made a list of everything that has dropped by the way side, noted when things started falling apart and a game plan to rebuild.   What I realized is that I’ve been stuck in a vibration level that really isn’t serving me well and that started coming about when lots of drama was hitting the fan.  Kids, former spouse, health, dating, you name it and I had issues with it.  And the show was all being directed and produced beautifully by Mr. E. with Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt as his star headliners.

One thing that I absolutely come to know in my life is that all energy is vibration. Thoughts, actions, feelings, you name it.  And what I have been vibrating at is at “low to no” sprinkled in with lots of negativity too.  I’ve temporarily lost touch with my soul and all of my archetypes/activities channeling the positive energy that truly support my best highest vibrating self.  My energy is one thing I absolutely and always have control over so it’s just a matter of choice.  If I am conscious and present, I don’t have to star or engage in the show.  I can just observe it.  Somewhere along the way, I moved from the audience to a cast member and I definitely won’t be joining the next performance.

So first things first, I’ve got to f*ing save myself from myself.  It’s the easiest way for me to “watch” what is happening.  And it’s the one thing I promised myself to do today. Check.  Plus, you want to know what?  I’ve got to lighten up.  Laugh at it all, like my taxi cab friend above.  Enjoy and have a little fun with life.  Mr. E doesn’t like fun because fun leads to joy and joy leads to happiness.  And those places are where he knows my soul thrives.

Second, I’ve got to attempt to get 8 hours of sleep for my sanity’s sake.  I can’t up my vibe if my body is tired.  Once I get a clear head tomorrow, I’m going to start lay out a new plan.

Look out world, the Writer is back. 🙂

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Warning!!  Mr. E has been on the loose running wild for weeks (ok, months).

I’ve got to get out of my head.


Writer?!  Writer?!  Where are you?

She’s gone.  The writer is missing and I can’t find her anywhere.

I’m starting to fear the worst.  Mr. E has taken her hostage.


Only the Writer can save me….from my own demise.

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And the Versatile Blogger Award goes to? ME!

Hello my long lost friends!  I’m back!! 🙂  First things first, before I dropped of the face of the blogging earth almost a month ago, one of my favorite bloggers, Bossy Moksie nominated me for The Versatile Blogger Award.  YAHOO!!

I was hoping this meant that any day now I would be receiving a knock on my door (when I am wearing my pink robe and hair in curlers) by someone with TV cameras who would give me a giant check the size of my Prius (which call me crazy but I don’t think the bank will really let me deposit).  But no one has come yet and I’ve just left the country so I’m not holding my breath on this one.

Anyway, thanks so much to my fellow blogging friend.  It’s quite an honor.  Please check out her blog which is a total treat to read on a regular basis.  She always makes me laugh.  Bossy Moksie is smart, sassy and hilarious and keeps it real with her perspective on life and her adventures with men.  She’s priceless.

Now, if there is really no cash award coming, I was then hoping this would then be like the Academy awards where I could buy a new designer dress, thank all of the important people in my life and head of to a bunch of parties with hot handsome celebrities all while fondling my new naked gold Oscar figurine, but it turns out with this honorary recognition,  no shopping is required and I need to do a little bit of work in return.  Actually this one of the reasons I’ve been neglecting my blog.  😦

The rules for this award state as follows:

  • Thank the person who gave you this award [in a post]. Done.
  • Include a link to their blog. Check.
  • Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. Hmm. I only follow about 5 other blogs, which means technically I need to find 10 more….
  • Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award – This is the work part because I’m picky… and have had a million other priorities the last couple of weeks….In process
  • Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself. – Strangely, the best things that come to mind are my deepest darkest secrets, so I’ll need to send her a confidentiality agreement to sign before doing so…. In Legal Dept for review.

Now, that is (half ass) done, I can at least move on and catch my posse up on what the heck as been going on the last few weeks.  June was crazy and July is looking crazier.  Let’s dive in shall we?  More to come, as I’m boarding my next flight from Taiwan to Bali!!

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Ipod Music Selections

Yesterday I was flying back from Boston in the middle seat of an emergency exit row which was not horrible by any means considering the extra leg room available.  Gone is my coveted United 1K Frequent Flyer status.  Ah, the good old days.  Upgrades, priority boarding, snacks that you don’t have to pay for, etc.  And while that might not seem like much….if you have never been a road warrior, let me tell you (sadly enough), it is those little things can make or break your travel day.

So, I ended up sitting next to a woman on my right who was maybe a professor or dean at Stanford University for the Engineering department.  How did I know this?  She had her business card taped into the inside of her Kindle case.  I couldn’t make out the details because it was sideways and had a lot of words in fine mouse print but she seemed important.

She was a caucasian female, light brown hair, fair skin, 5’4 ish, maybe 115 lbs, and I would guess in her late 50’s, maybe even early 60’s.  Quiet and unassuming.  And she didn’t get up once!  Which I found pretty impressive for being in the window seat of a cross country flight while having 2 cups of coffee.

Throughout the 6 hour flight, she rotated back and forth from reading her Kindle to a super advanced very large Suduko book all while listening to her Ipod through some old headphones that clearly didn’t have any noise reduction technology back in the day. At least not for those who aren’t actually wearing them.   She also happened to be listening to her music at full volume capacity.  Just ask the guy on the left of me as well as the rows in front and behind us who often were looking around to see where the music was actually coming from.

But she clearly either didn’t know or didn’t care. Feet tapping, head bopping, all while multitasking with other brain functioning requirements that needed some level of concentration.  I mean, reading?  Come on, I can’t even listen to loud music and read at the same time.  It’s like a brain scramble for me.  But I figured she likely had a very big brain working for Stanford and all so must be able to handle it.  And since she was really enjoying herself, I didn’t have the heart to interrupt her.

Now, here is the best part and what I found most fascinating about the whole thing….do you want to know what she was listening too? Guess!  Oh, never mind.  You will never guess.  Check this out!!  LMFAO, Pitbull, Usher, Enrique, J.Lo basically anything with a Top 40 pulsating dance club beat that honestly all starts to sound the same once they are played back to back for a couple hours.  I personally thought this was totally awesome because I would have never in a million years bet that type of music was on her preferred play lists!  And she was loving it.  She was actually going through her different playlists and selecting each of these songs by hand.  Good for her!  See, I actually didn’t really mind it too much because I like that kind of music as well.  Well, except the repeat part.

So, as I sat there and contemplated this oxymoron-ish experience , it struck me as a good little reminder from the universe, Don’t judge a book by its cover.  🙂  You never know what is actually on someone’s Ipod until you listen to it.

We never talked during the flight yesterday but I wanted to send her a little shout out today..Thanks for the jam session my exit row sister!  Nice flying with ya! 🙂

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Spring Cleaning

Yep, tomorrow is the big day.  And I’m definitely ready to do it.  First thing right after I wake up…well I should say, after my 2 big glasses of water, meditation, morning hike and blueberry/almond milk smoothie…I’m going to TACKLE MY CLOSET!!

It’s time.  It’s actually past time.  I’ve got to get cracking on this “non working” project check list which ironically I can’t seem to find.  2 months ago, I made a nice long list of all of the things I would like to accomplish and haven’t done a thing with it, besides misplace it or maybe I threw it away?  Look, I have been productive! 😉

Do you know why I am going to clean my bedroom closet? 4 simple reasons. (Did you notice my lucky number?)


I don’t think I have mentioned to my entire blog world…my girlfriend Leslie called me last weekend and it was like a sign from the universe.  I’ve actually been waiting to go to Bali for quite a long time.  Yes even before Eat, Pray, Love made it a soul searching destination spot and I need to survey what I’m going to take and/or need to get for my trip. I’m going to try and refrain from talking about this every day but I’m so damn excited, I can hardly stand it! BALI BABY!!

2) I have a dinner date on Monday night with someone I’m definitely interested in.

And instead of trying on 4 outfits 30 minutes prior to leaving and then deciding I have nothing to wear, I’m going to figure this out in advance to avoid the clothing date crisis.  I’m looking for a cross between smart and sexy.  Could be tricky but I’m up for the challenge.

3) Nothing fits 😦

With all of my detoxing, exercise, etc over the last 6 months, I’ve actually dropped a few pounds and a lot of my clothes are too big.  And I can assure you, there is nothing sexy about baggy, loose, don’t forget to pull up your jeans every 5 minutes attire.  I definitely need some new shorts and at least a belt or two asap.

4) Nordstrom’s Half Yearly Women’s Sale is ON!

So if I do need anything for either of said 1, 2 or 3, let’s get it on sale, shall we?  I mean, last time I checked, money is not growing on trees these days.  Although I did purchase a “money tree” at one of my start up companies a few years ago just for the good vibe energy and we did get acquired 2 years later.  So I definitely consider this plant a good luck charm but certainly haven’t seen any one hundred dollar bills sprouting off of it yet.

And speaking of vibes, I’m actually curious to really take a good look at the current vibe of my wardrobe with all of the changes I have been going through the last few months.  Want to hear something interesting?  When I left my marriage 4 years ago and unpacked all of my clothes in my new house I noticed something strange. Everything in my closet was black, navy blue or cranberry red.  Ok, maybe with some sprinkles of charcoal grey and chocolate brown.  But essentially it was like all of my clothes were in mourning, completely void of color.  It was all just so dark.  After reflection of this, I realized I had unconsciously been playing out my feelings of sadness and loneliness through my clothing color choices which had totally banned any bright happy color options.  Fascinating, don’t you think?

So, I can’t wait to see what I discover tomorrow…I’ve already got a feeling I’m going to find a lot of pinks and purples because well, I’ve been going through an “embrace my feminine” phase over the last few years.  I’m also prepared to find a lot of ruffles because who doesn’t love a good fun ruffle?  Wish me luck and if you don’t hear from me by the end of the day, please send out a search party for a closet rescue mission!

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