Today, I decided (pretty much out of nowhere) I was going to start writing something. I have no idea what I’m doing and I have to tell you for me, that is part of the divine craziness of this idea. First of all, let me set the record straight. I’m not a writer nor do I play one on TV. I’m convinced that spelling is a gene which is obviously a critical aspect of the whole writing thing and I seemed to have missed getting it in my DNA line up. But with the beauty of spell check, we should be safe for now and the good news is when I find myself unsure of how to spell a word without the comfort and security of the all-knowing red squiggly underline, I can use another word that I actually do know how to spell which basically makes me a walking thesaurus! (Even though I misspelled that too.) Anyway, you get my point.
Second, I’m also pretty self-conscious of my grammatical skills since I have technically have “formal” advanced degree education (we’ll get into that later) around the proper written language usage as a required mastery subject. I was always more of a Math gal rather than an English gal except for my deep passion for reading books which you will get to hear all about throughout our journey together. But for now, I’m going to just do my best and write from the heart regardless of how that would be graded in terms of any consideration of formal sentence structure. Which (please note) isn’t something that should not be taken lightly. This is a HUGE step for me.
Step #1 Admit that you have a problem. Hi, my name is Leandra and I’m a perfectionist. And some days it’s just not pretty. Another quick side note, this whole “writing from the heart thing”, shouldn’t be taken lightly because it will totally blow my cover. But since I’ve just turned the “Big 4-0”, I feel like I’m really ready to change it up a bit. Yep, we’ll go deep into that later too.
So, based on all that, back to the beginning…what the heck am I doing here then, you might ask? Well, I’m on my own quest of self discovery and I’ve decided I’m ready to start talking about it with someone else other than myself, and well, my therapist. Even though technically, I’m going to do all of the talking at the moment, I’m hoping you will be in charge of the listening part and share your thoughts with me about it as you feel inclined to do so via the comments section or the oh so friendly like button. Also, I should mention for a little background right up front that after 22 years of a successful career built from the ground up, I’ve decided to take some time off.
Step #2 Believe that a power greater than yourself can restore sanity. Well, there it is. I’m giving it all up to the universe. I don’t think it gets more powerful than that. I’ve come to accept the realization that I’ve been a workaholic most of my adult life. Is there an official program for that? WA maybe? I’ll check into it. And with that, since now I have nothing but time on my hands, it feels pretty scary. Of course, I’ll tell you my career story later too but right now I’m definitely a little bit on the edge and this could get real ugly real quick. I’m totally unclear at this moment if this spontaneous writing adventure is part of my addictive behavior and I’m just creating something just to keep myself busy. OR this is a truly divine calling and directive as part of my greater purpose in the life..but regardless my hope is that this will be good for both our sake. (Hmm. I wonder if it is sake or sakes? Is it your sake and my sake which is plural “sakes” or the “sake” applied to the meaning of the term in general? Deep breath.)
Ok, now what and why today? Well, it started with an unexpected message from Joel Olsteen of all people that I happen to stumble across on TV this morning. Please note: I have no prior relationship with Joel and have actually never watched one of his programs until today. But I have to say, Wowza!! It was like someone slipped something into my breakfast smoothie. Do you want to know what his message was about today? Vision. Amen, my brother! It was all pretty inspirational and somehow seemed to ignite a spark within me. And that’s how this whole thing kinda got started. I do feel like I should point out, that I am jumping off the cliff without clarity on that one teeny tiny little important part (the actual vision thing that is) but as you can see, I’m pumped up and I’m going to just run with it. High-ya!? (Ok, totally no idea how to spell the word for the karate like ninja move). Take that, you inner perfectionist! I’ve got no plan, not a clue on how to do this “right” and I’m totally winging it. (Insert a brief music clip here – George Michael theme song ..FREEDOM, FREEDOM..oh, there’s definitely lots more of that to come). And hey, how about a little shout out for my man, Joel?! Thank you for the message, my new found Sunday morning TV friend. I’m definitely going to go for it!
Ok, let’s get down to business. Hmm. I think this is the tricky part. What am I actually going to talk about? SHAZAM! (I think my inner superhero is a little over excited at the moment). That’s it!! That’s exactly what I’m going to talk about! I want to talk about who’s really doing the talking around here. Right now, in this moment, inside our heads, well at least in my head for starters. That is certainly what I have been trying to figure out every second of every moment of every day (and night) for the last several years. WHO is actually doing all of that damn talking and the struggle of awareness I have had to identify it. As I have come to discover and I’m hoping you will too, being able to answer this key question is where the magic happens … a voice from within. But where does that voice come from? What is that voice saying? How does it make us feel? What does it compel us to do and why? Can anyone else hear it or is it just me? Uh-oh, I think I hear more than one voice. That definitely can’t be good. Which voice should I listen to? Why is there so much conflict?
“Yikes. I need a plan.”
There it is.
“Let’s just go with it and see what happens.”
Who’s talking to me?
Exactly. See?? I could spend a lot of time explaining this but I think the best place to start is just with the open kimono approach so you can hear it for yourself. My inner dialog. Brace yourself. Grab some popcorn or better yet, a glass of wine and settle in. If nothing else, this should be entertaining. And it’s probably the best way to give you the lay of the land to really get a good understanding all of the players involved in this little twisted mental party I’m having and then we can go back and sort it all out together.
Thank you for joining me on this journey, which in all seriousness, is truly my desire to inspire you to reflect on your own personal discovery and awareness through my personal stories.
Welcome to – A Voice From Within. (Is it all caps for each of the words in a title or just the key words? Sh*t, this is going to be painful.)