The Marriage Proposal

This blog is based on a completely true story. Period. There have been no fabrications to the actual facts of the said situation.  Names have been omitted to protect the innocent, well, except for mine but I don’t think I did anything wrong so I should be ok.

I had to start a new blog post because I was afraid the prior one was getting too long before I got to the good stuff.  I started rushing the end which I think is the most important section so here I am with a fresh start.  I still struggle with how long or short these blogs should be and not sure if I just start to get tired of myself at around 2,300 words or you do too. 🙂  So thanks for coming back.  Let’s continue, where I left off, shall we?

First let me say, as I mentioned before, I want to stay in integrity with of all my dating reflections and am in no way intending to be disrespectful to any of the gentlemen mentioned in any of my posts.  We’ve all got our stuff and no one really knows what is going on inside someone else’s head except them.  I am only a certified expert on myself which gives me free right to analyze the shit out of my life and no one else’s (well, at least not out loud that is).

And I am only sharing this story as an summary of lessons learned within myself and as was shared with me directly from the source because those were his exact last text words. I have decided to leave out a lot of the little juicy details that would probably make you both laugh and cringe at the same time and Mr E. is pretty pissed about that.  But the Judge wants nothing more than to pontificate about all these little critical things and once he gets on a roll, it can get ugly so I’m going to see if I can keep him quiet so I can be neutral.

Here goes.  As I mentioned in my prior blog, a few days ago, I received an unsolicited email in response to my highly desirable internet dating profile. 🙂  I was on the fence with the physical chemistry match but thought we had a lot in common otherwise so I decided to respond back.  Please note for the record, your honor, I did state right up front to him, “I’m not sure if we have a match, etc” but willing to get to know each other a bit.  Noted for the record, please continue.  Turns out he’s smart, funny, and an executive as well so we have a lot in common professionally.  So we both jump in with pretty harmless playful banter back and forth about random topics mentioned in both of our profiles. Two peas in a humor pod, so he thinks.

Our emails continue for a day or two and he says he has a good feeling about me so asks if I want to meet for a drink coffee/wine, etc and I say sure, I’m free in a few days, etc. (Note to self, I did not initiate the first move here. Yay, me!) But immediately after I said yes to a beverage, he turned it into wanting to make our “first date” very special. Hmm.  I thought it was just a casual drink?  Oh, great. An official first date?  That was when I started to detect the shift happen.

Remember the blog from last week, “Happy Anniversary” to me? And the email about the perfect date?  This was him.  It went a little something like this…The perfect  you, the perfect restaurant, perfect wine, the perfect desert….the perfect K-I-S-S?  Whoa Tiger!  (Insert screeching tire sound here). Warning bell #1.  There will be no “planned kiss” nor expectation set of one because I wasn’t even sure if there was a physical attraction in the first place and I certainly don’t want to mislead anyone.

So, I lightly pushed back a little on the “kiss” reference but figure we are just joking around so I tried not to take it too seriously.  I tell him I have a “hug” waiting for him.  That’s drawing a clear line in the sand, right?  I hope.  See, in addition to being an introvert, I would describe myself as very affectionate and definitely a “hugger” so I’ll  pretty much provide a  hug anyone that wants one, free of charge.  Now, kissing is completely different matter and those don’t come for free.

Now we are at the day before our get together and he throws in some mention about ring shopping today because apparently he has decided I’m “the one” and he is going to propose to make it the ultimate first date or something.  Warning Bell #2  Now, I’m trying to take this all in stride as well but I don’t need to see him face to face to sense this is a little extreme for a few days of casual joking.

But I try to deflect this nicely, joke about “being 1/2 excited and 1/2 terrified and will be bringing a restraining order” but I’m honestly not worried about my safety per se, just more concerned that now based on all of these little pieces of extroverted tidbits he has been dropping on me over the last couple of days, he HAS really decided I am “THE ONE” and based on what?? An internet profile and a few handful of emails??? Crazy.  I’m definitely sensing trouble.  Yikes!

On the day of our date, we exchange cell numbers in case we need to reach each other and firm up our plans.  Honestly, I have a pretty good read on people and could already tell he was a just a harmless super nice thoughtful sweet guy so I wouldn’t need to pick up any pepper spray that afternoon. But what I was worried about is that he was going to actually take some of this joking “overboard”…which unfortunately he did.  Because, what he was passing it off as 1/2 joking and 1/2 serious and he somewhere along the way decided to “Go big or Go home!”  Brace yourself.

So, we meet at the door of the restaurant and I immediately know in an instant there is no chemistry match for me but I wasn’t about to get off so lucky for him.  See, the first thing he says before he even introduces himself is, “You are soooo pretty.”  Which is super nice and sweet and what woman doesn’t want to get complimented but it was in a kinda awkward way that made him blush, not me.  And to continue to hear it the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time around, started to feel strange.

As we sit down, he says he had been there early to pick the “perfect” table and as soon as we sit down, he whips out a blue Tiffany & Co. bag.  Gulp. WARNING BELL #3! Didn’t you hear the first 2???  I’ll spare you all of the details but enclosed was a card that on one side said “I was amazing” odd, because he doesn’t even know me… and on the other side he wrote; Redeemable for one engagement ring.  Holy Cow! That is bold and super crazy.  The card was attached to a silver wrapped extra long king size package of Reese’s peanut butter cups which when wrapped, resembled the size of a necklace case box, thankfully it was not! because I had mentioned my weakness for peanut butter cups in my profile so he wanted to be romantic.  All and all, while a little over the top (just a little?) It was very, very super sweet and extremely thoughtful which I told him so and laughed at his “joke” on the engagement ring part. Ha, Ha, Ha!  Very funny.  But I really thought, Whew.  I’m safe.  And I assumed he would stop there but he didn’t.

One hour later, 1/2 way through our wine, (he did most of the talking) and dessert, the waiter delivers ANOTHER wrapped Tiffany box.  No, please!  I can’t take this.  Now I feel horrible.  I tell him, he shouldn’t, I can’t accept anything, etc.  He insists, I open the box and there small is a ceramic Tiffany porcelain box inside. Oh no.  He actually bought me something more than $1.99.  And I tell him, he really shouldn’t have ..and I really super meant IT! I open it up and inside the small box there is a single small mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup inside.  He then says, “I know it’s only 1/2 through our date but I am having the best time ever and would definitely like to see you again.” Huh?  I have given him No advance to Boardwalk, No get of jail free cards or that he can automatically pass go and still collect $200 (which would just about pay for all of his expenses on this date). I’ve given him absolutely nothing to even remotely signal, things are going well besides, sitting there and being attractive, which was apparently enough.  It’s like he wasn’t even paying attention to our interaction and exchanges.

So, I tell him as kindly and sweetly as possible that he is so very thoughtful and kind, and a super nice guy but I just feel a “friendship vibe” with him so I was going to have to decline.  This was shocking to him.  And he then proceeds to ask what I’m looking for in someone that he doesn’t have but I could tell he was really just searching for ways to overcome any and all of my objections.  I told him it was someone that had all of same types of qualities that he did, it just comes down to chemistry and that while on paper, we might look like a match, I just didn’t feel that way and that was not a reflection on either of us being less fabulous individuals, etc.

That’s when he started telling me the real true E hollywood story and his behind the scenes motivations and then it all made sense.  See, he met another guy a while back that told him his romance story which was, he saw this woman cross a street and knew “she was the one”, pursued her relentlessly for a year, they got married, she is the love of his life and he is living happily ever after.  And that is what my internet friend was looking for.  He wanted to be swept away with pure heart racing random meeting of fairy tale love.  And who doesn’t?  I just don’t think it always works that way nor can be staged either.

And I was just like an innocent victim of a drive by shooting, by him in a Cupid suit that is.  I just happened to be there and he decided after my basic profile, a return gesture of hello and a few emails, I was his long lost love that he has been waiting for.. he also confessed he had a monster energy drink before getting here so if he was acting strange, that was the reason.  Um, I don’t think that had anything to do with it, but ok, whatever.

But it keeps getting better, even after I told him I wasn’t interested, he still didn’t want to believe it.  That is how much of “his story” he had wrapped himself up in.  He basically said, then said to me…But do I have a chance?  And then literally said via referencing the Dumb and Dumber movie?, If there is a one in a million is a chance, he’d take it.  Unbelievable.

He still didn’t want to hear the truth because it was not lining up with the story he had been telling himself. Complete and total denial.  I very kindly said, I just didn’t think it was going to work out and he then said, “I think you are going to go home, come to your senses and change your mind.” Wow. Really?  And he was totally serious!  Nothing I could say mattered anymore at this point. He just didn’t want to listen to anything other than his desired outcome, regardless of how ungrounded in reality that was.

He was so in love with his story about “being in love” and how it was going to happen, just like his friend,  he wasn’t even present in the moment which just made me feel nothing but a lot compassion for him.  I thought about how many times, I had sold myself a bill of goods in other situations because I didn’t want to face the facts either.  Now, I’ve never done anything crazy like this but I did understand his genuine desire for his ideal outcome so it’s all good.

So, as the restaurant is closing, and we leave, he says goodbye to the owner by name. I said, “Wow do you know him?”  He said, I just met everyone before you got here to set up the “perfect date”.  Then I just felt just plain bad for him.  He was crushed but do you want to know what, I really don’t think it had anything to do with me.  He didn’t even know me. I asked him if he thought we had crossed some wires and I gave him the impression…No, no, he said.  He just thought it was “perfect” and would work out.  He completely projected this story of what he wanted onto me.

Being the gentlemen that he is, he asked me if he could walk me to my car because it was dark, etc.  I said yes, of course.  As we were walking, he starts to tell me all of the things he is disappointed about that didn’t work out between us. “Us?”  The us of 5 days of email exchanges, us?  Ok, sure. I just listened and nodded.  At this point nothing I could say or do would matter unless it was “Yes.”

I thanked him for a special evening, told him he is a great guy, gave him a big hug and he then as I am getting into my car, he says “If I change my mind, I can call him.”  At this point, I just laughed to myself.  Ah, the joys of internet dating.  I get in my car and think, wow that was the craziest thing that has ever happened to me and when I got home, an hour later, I receive a final text from him that says and I quote:

“Just wanted to thank you for my absolute best worst first date.  No expiration on the ring offer :-).  I tend to learn from my experiences…lesson one…do not propose to a woman you actually never met.  I wish you the best.”

Good lesson my friend, good lesson.

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3 Responses to The Marriage Proposal

  1. i’m with ya honey. a guy i scarcely knew once proposed to me in a letter. an internet match proposed to me on a second date. i’m easy to get sucked in too early too fast, thinking it’s all some great “perfect” romance.

  2. BMassa says:

    Ah, the marriage proposal…. Wow. wow. wow. wow. At least he didn’t try and put the reese’s on your finger??!! The idea of perfection unfortunately is likely contained to the pages of Nicholas Sparks novel…ah, but a guy can dream…. Great post by the way. I’m sure you have LOADS of little blue boxes in your future – for real. 🙂

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