When Herp, Missy and I woke up this morning, I knew it was going to be a very long day. Yes, I finally broke down and let Missy sleep with me last night. Do you want to know why? Because she barks in the middle of the night in her crate which I can hear even though she is way down the hall in the other room. So my Hyper-V kicks in within a nanosecond with an immediate warning for general danger and worried that something is wrong with Missy. And if my sister comes back from vacation and Missy is dead, well, let me tell you, it’s not going to be pretty.
But as far as I’m concerned, I’m not a dog sitter and I don’t play one on TV so as long as I make sure she has food and water and gets to go outside, I’ve done my part. See, my sister had some crazy idea that it would be “good” for me to watch Missy for 10 days when she was on vacation. I’m thinking, “Me? Not so much.” And I really tried to say no, several times but when it came down to Missy having to go back to the dog farm where my sister rescued her from, I finally caved in.
What I didn’t consider was the middle of the night wake up calls and that is definitely something I didn’t sign up for. See, I’m a super light sleeper. I think it’s my mother hearing that kicks into some bat like sonar and I can detect the slightest sound or movement anywhere within my house, yes even when I am sleeping. So I guess I assumed Missy would just mind her own business and sleep through the night. Like me. 🙂 Yeah, right. Figures that was too good to be true because 2 nights ago for the first time, Missy started barking at 1AM and since I had just gone to bed at 11PM, this was in the middle of my prime time beauty REM sleep which I was not happy about. But I figure she has to go to the bathroom so it’s better to let her out then have her go in her crate which is smelly enough for me to hate let alone her and I don’t even have to lay inside of it.
So, I get up let Missy out, put her back in her house (which technically my sister calls “jail”) with only one eye open trying not to wake up too much so I can go straight back to bed. And guess who barks again at 2AM? Herp? No, it’s Missy. So I get up thinking – What is the deal here??. I open the door to take her out side but she doesn’t want to go outside. She just wants to be held. Great. I have already raised 2 kids now into independent sleepaholic teenagers who are finally done coming into my room in the middle of the night and now I’m being managed by this 2 pound mutt who is just smart enough to realize on day 5 of our little babysitting adventure, she’s got my number. One little middle of the night bark and I come running. And tonight, apparently she’s looking for a cuddle buddy.
Well, by the second time around, I’m really tired, not feeling well and I don’t want to get up for a third round, so I give in and bring her to bed. Not my first choice because I don’t want any funky dog smell going on in my bed. But I need rest so I cave. And guess who gets an amazing night sleep? Me? Nope. Missy. Oh, she is happy as a clam. Snug as a bug in a rug. Licking herself, which is loud, stretching and wiggling around, scratching herself, which makes me concerned and paranoid for her and me and I think I’m never going to get back to sleep. But once she finally settles down, I then realize I don’t want to move. Because I don’t want her to wake up and start it all over again. And now I’ve got this teeny tiny doggie snuggled up right smack dab next to me so I’m totally afraid roll over, smother her with the blankets, afraid she is going to have an accident in my crate, I mean bed, etc.
So, I sleep on the very edge of my king size bed, thinking she can have the whole other side to herself but no, she wants to be as close as possible. Gee, lucky me. Somehow I manage to fall back alseep in some strange awkward position, half cold, half neck cramped and I wake up around 6AM and guess who’s up now? Missy? No, Herp. He’s excited, pulsating and ready to start the day. Figures.
But that was on Wednesday, so today (Thursday) when the 3 of us woke up this morning, I thought, Yahoo! Someone is going home today! Herp is going to be packing his bags! But from the feeling of my still swollen top lip, no such luck. The Apple Cider Vinegar didn’t have as much effect as I thought it would or he was just super charged and pissed off that I wouldn’t give into the Peanut Butter cups at Trader Joe’s last night so he decided to stick around a while longer.
I thought, maybe I’m not completely soaking this bastard with enough ACV because everyone really seemed to rave about this remedy so I decide just to lean my face over the sink and pour it directly on top of him. Now, I finally got his attention and I’ve got to tell you, it hurt like a mo’fo! But it was time to take control of this situation and I can’t let a little pouch and a cold sore run my life. I mean business and it’s time to hit the road, Jack or Herp or whatever your name is! This bed isn’t big enough for the 3 of us. 5 days and counting. Both Missy and Herp better be gone or it’s going to get really ugly around here.