Man Magnet

Hola mi amigos! Como estas? Now, before you start whipping out your Spanish bilingual skills, let me confess, I only know about 12 words in Spanish.  So if you don’t respond according to the standard conversation etiquette, thus enabling me to use the balance of my 7 words, we might as well just end this now.  You know, Fini. Hmm. I think that’s French?  Wow, look how versatile I am!   Bon jour! Comment allez-vous? Oh wait, I think I know fewer words in French than Spanish so we should switch back, well, assuming you aren’t interested in a three-some. 🙂

Sorry, I’ve been absent for a few days but guess what I have been???  Oh, you’ll never guess so let me just tell you.  I’ve been PRO-DUC-TIVE!!!  WOO-HOO!!  I’m back! It’s the old me (sans corporate that is) but new and improved, bigger, better and certainly badder (is that even a real word) and you will never guess all of the amazing things I have accomplished!!  Check this out (in no particular order).  Laundry, closet organizing, book case buying (15 minutes of wrestling a big ass box by myself just to get it in the cart in the Target aisle would have been entertaining if I was on one of those hidden camera shows), book case assembling (that is a post all by itself) and tucking in all of my children neatly into their new home (which is already too small for everyone)!  I’ve also spent time with my kids (my real ones that is), my sister AND my sister’s kids.  WOWZA!  Can you believe it?  Amazing I know.  Wait, there’s more.  I went to a meditation class, took out my garbage and yes, I’ve even completed my taxes (well, my accountant did, but you know I had to submit all of the info and that counts, right?) Right!  Smokin’, eh?  Can you believe it?

Well, honestly, I had to.  I took one look at myself after BST (Banana Slug Thursday) and I just couldn’t stand it anymore.  So I woke up Friday morning with refreshed energy because you-know-who was in the drivers seat.  Come to think about it , I think the new moon ritual helped as well.  Well, actually I’m not really sure what it was but what I did know is if I was going to channel another insect, it needed to be an active one.  Want to hear something funny?  Remember in my last musing when I wondered how to tell the difference between a male and a female banana slug?  My curiosity was really peaking around 12:30AM that night so I Googled it and guess what I learned.  You don’t.

Banana slugs are hermaphrodites and have both male and female productive organs which I thought was ironic because there I was thinking maybe if there is a male banana slug around I could get a little something-something but that’s obviously not the case.  I’m not going to get any more action as a slug than I am currently getting as a human a la myself. Great.  Yep, I most definitely need to be a fast, productive insect that reproduces with other insects.  Like a bee?!  Perfect!  Because I have certainly been a very busy bee (well, minus the pollinating part of course).  And hey, how about the Queen Bee?  I mean she is the one that all of those male bees are going crazy for, right? Plus, she is at the top of the corporate hive ladder and the Executive definitely likes this.

So, speaking of action, on Friday I went to lunch with my sister Tamee and witnessed something incredible.  First let me set the stage.  It was a beautiful day and we met in downtown Pleasanton.  We decided on fish tacos which is my absolute fav of all favs, I truly think I could eat them every day.  I like to tell myself it’s healthy, you know, the grilled fish, corn tortillas, salsa, lettuce, etc but we all know it just takes a few of those deliciously tempting chips and then everything goes south, right across the nutritional border.

So, we grab a table outside because it’s sunny out, it’s busy inside the Mexican place and she has Missy with her.  Who is Ms. Missy you ask?  Missy is her little Yorkie Terrier and if she is not in her stylish carrier, she is tucked into Tamee’s jacket with just her little head sticking out which as you can imagine is too cute for words.  Now, I have to say, I’m not a huge pushover for dogs but every time I see Missy, for about 30 seconds, I love her to death and something inside of me says “I want a D-O-G!”  (Whoa.  N-O Way someone else screams louder) It’s clearly a voice trying to tap into my rational side that kicks in and says, I already have 2 kids, I don’t need another “thing” to take care of plus I have total freedom when I don’t have my kids and if I got a dog, then I would have to worry about traveling issues, feeding schedules, vet visits, dog poop, and by that point my 4th chakra has completely shut down to any possible love I could feel for Missy (or any other dog for that matter) and then I’m super glad I don’t have any pets to take care of. Well, besides the fish of course but we have an agreement that they are super low maintenance or they will be set free in the creek.

So my kind, lovely sister Tamee offers to buy me lunch (Thanks Tam-a-cita!), so well, guess who gets to hold Missy. Uh, Me? You know when you give a man a baby who isn’t really a baby person and he holds it up in arm’s distance like what the heck am I supposed to do with this thing look?  That is me with Missy.

See, I’m not a super dog person.  I grew up a cat person.  So when Missy wants to lick me, well, I’m not really crazy about that and she smells like, well, “dog” (hmm, I’m noticing a theme around scent issues with me).  And also when she is on her little leash, jumping, sniffing and checking everything within her 2 foot leash range out, well, I worry about her choking if I hold the leash too tight or her falling and breaking a little doggie leg. I’m really just thinking, can’t you just sit and chill here on my lap, M-Dog? Hardly. But because we both love my sister, we made the best of it and tried to bond.  And you should have seen her, she was wearing the most adorable outfit (red and navy blue striped onesie body suit with a little hole for her tail teeny tiny tail to stick out) and besides my sister, guess who loves this dog?  EVE-RY-BOD-Y!

Young people, old people, kids, women, men, I honestly couldn’t believe how many people were coming over to check Missy out.  Everyone just oohed and ahhed over her, and I’m talking EVERY-ONE.  We must have sat there for over an hour and not only was she the center of attention in our little dining court area which happened to be next to the sidewalk and the coffee shop, but I’m telling you total strangers were going out of their way to come over for a special hello to make all sorts of cooing noises and comments about this little lady.  And sure it’s entertaining to watch the 6  to 60 year olds get all mushy but when the incredibly hot guy walks by, points out Missy and just melts down in total animal love, I realize, this isn’t just some little pound puppy, this is a man magnet!  Yes, now I definitely need a DOG!  I mean, this guy was super duper hot, like man of my dreams kinda hot. Which figures.  I finally see the man of my dreams who totally fails to notice me but not because of my outfit, hair or crisis intervention but because I’m upstaged by a 2 pound, 4 legged, white haired pooch.

But I figure my sister has first dibs on him anyway not just because of the dog, but my sister is very attractive too so I know the 3 of them will be very happy together.  I think I’ll start planning on bachelorette party, well, me and Missy of course.  But I’ll definitely need to find something for her a little bit more sassy than that pajama stripped ensemble.  And plus, she’s never going to attract Mr. Missy looking like that for sure.

Well, I’m off to pick up the kids so Ciao Bella! (Hmm. I definitely don’t know any Italian unless it is food related and now I realize I’m starving so let’s mangia, mangia!)

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This entry was posted in Ego, Missy (My sister's dog), The Executive and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Man Magnet

  1. Sherle Stevens says:

    Awesome, Leandra! You’re a writer!!! YEAY for you!!!

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