Good afternoon my blog reading friends! I’m back. Where did I go you ask? Well, I started to write for about 5 minutes this morning but ended up stopping shortly thereafter because I had to go to the bathroom. No, no, it wasn’t like that kind of NEED to go to the bathroom, just number 1. 🙂 See, I drink a lot of liquid in the morning. When I first wake up, I have at least 8-16 oz of water to kick start hydrating my body. Next I have 12-16 oz of a nutritional breakfast smoothie, so as you can imagine, when I get the urge to go, well, I really have to go!! So when nature called, I hopped up for a quick bathroom pit stop with all intentions of coming right back to writing but then something strange happened…. After I went to the bathroom, I ended up crawling back in bed. Huh? I know.
It was totally weird. I’m not sure what happened. I walked into my room for something, (I think a pony tail holder) and then I heard my bed calling to me, “Come back, Come back” and it was like a hypnotic trance came over me because all of a sudden, I was actually back in bed. What? I mean it was only 9:00AM and I had just gotten up 30 minutes ago!! Yes, that would have been a 8:30AM wake up time (which is late for me), Geesh! I’m really living the good life eh? Well, for a slug that is. As soon as I pulled the covers over me, I thought…I wonder if there is something wrong with me?
See, once I’m out of bed in the morning, I don’t go back. Well, unless it’s nap time which I take on the couch so that doesn’t really count right? Right. So, as I’m lying in bed, I’m thinking I’m officially turning into a slug. With this new realization, my mind starts to search for slug like evidence. Slimy? No. (Well, not yet at least) White sticky trail of substance left behind? (I wish. Hey, keep it clean, Missy. Sorry.) Nope. Then I hear, from the Student who starts searching my mental database for slug facts; “What kind of Slug?” the Student asks. Banana slug, I say. Gotcha. Am I yellow? Nope. Well, ok then. 3 strikes and we’re out so I think I can safely rule out I’m technically not a banana slug although I definitely feel like one. Hmm. Do I actually know what banana slug feels like inside? I wonder if banana slugs actually have feelings or are they just content hanging out, you know slinking around? It’s probably the latter (later or latter?) with the whole nature thing and they are perfectly happy just living in the moment and “being”. Great. I wouldn’t even make a good banana slug.
So, I start to replay the last week in my head and it really seems like I haven’t been very productive. Ok, trying to pretend that I have maybe been even a little “productive” seems absurd. Let’s face it. I haven’t done shit since I have been off work. It was one thing when I was writing every day because at least I could pretend I was “kinda doing something” but you want to know what, it’s really hard for me to even give myself credit for that. Check this out. When I was with my friends this weekend, one of them said, “So, what have you been up to? “ And I said, “Absolutely nothing.” Then my other dearest friend said, “What do you mean? I thought you said earlier you have been writing like 4-8 hours a day?” which I then said “Well, technically yes, but that doesn’t count.” Which I then immediately I thought: I wonder why I don’t give myself any credit for the whole writing thing…
So, back to the laying in bed thing, I started to perform a review the mental list of approved time off activities, (none which I have actually accomplished) and then I think about the whole writing thing, which has waned a little recently. I have noticed the universal energy seems to have shifted a bit which I then justify (blame actually) is because of Mercury Retrograde (which is a whole new subject for some other day) and maybe when that is over (on April 4) I’ll get back into some kinda groove. Yes, just like the movie “How Stella got her Groove back”? Circa 1980 something? Hmm. But now that I think about it, I can’t recall the exact details but I’m pretty sure she got her groove back by getting laid by some hot young guy and since there are no male banana slugs in sight, I definitely don’t think that will be a very motivational flick.
Now, I’m really laying there trying to find some, well, some-thing to grasp onto. A leaf, a twig, a branch, how do you to tell the difference between a male and a female banana slug? Anything. I start to contemplate, it’s not just about “doing something” per se, it’s really about the sense of purpose. I need some purpose. I mean come on, it’s week I don’t know, 4 maybe? and the novelty of “resting” is starting to wear off. And as soon I think that, guess who comes to the rescue? The Executive and he was trying to be supportive in the best way he knows how.
So, let’s get productive! I know, let’s work on the “rest” projects. What I can do is schedule something for each day, map it out in a piece of paper and then I can check them off and really see the results of everything I am accomplishing. No? Ok, I know, it doesn’t sound very fun but it was worth a try.
Hey, how about the writing? I do seem to enjoy it certainly more than the boring project list. Remember, the first day I started writing and the thought for a brief moment about writing a book? Let’s check that out. Google how many words are in a book. Ok, Looks like it is 60,000-100,000 words depending on a bunch of factors. Format, type face, genre, etc,
Ok, based on that, now how many words am I averaging a post? I think around 1500. Super. So, let’s pick the lowest number required and that means I could write a book in 40 days, assuming I wrote every day from when I started which I haven’t. Great. I am already behind. 1500 isn’t good enough, better make it 2,000 words per post. I don’t want this to drag on forever.
I wonder how many words have I written so far with all of my posts? I cut and paste all of them into a word doc. 20,067 words. Wow. Only 39,933 to go.
For a brief moment, I’m actually kinda impressed with myself. That is a 3rd of a book already complete!
But the posts are all random, there is no consistent story line or theme besides doing nothing. It’s probably not good enough for a book anyway and I’d have to rewrite it all too. And even if I wanted to write a book from scratch, what would I write about? I’m not an expert in anything, ok, maybe Sales but that doesn’t really feel like a compelling book project. So, now, I’m back where I started and I’m sure this book thing would never work anyway.
Well, there you have it. Two Mr. E’s and one Mr. P. What does that spell? EEP? PEP? No, PEE. HA! I love it. How ironic is that ? Good one, good one.
So I guess I’m now full circle back to my first sentence of this post and I’ll just keep blogging for my sanity or whatever is left of it.
I’m coming to you live this afternoon from….my car. Yes, I am currently typing today’s insights from my Prius. I wasn’t actually planning on that but don’t worry, I’m not sitting in my garage which would really start to sound mentally disturbing. Nope, I’m out and about. I did end up making it out of bed again after 20 minutes of the slug fest, (Hooray and Thank God), then to the shower (that felt productive), meditated (trying to appeal to a higher power to save myself from myself), ate lunch (popcorn and split pea soup which is funky I know, it’s just one of those days), then watched something on my DVR searching for inspiration (clearly reiterating my zero motivation level) and now I just dropped of my daughter off for a haircut so I figured, hey, I’ll find the closest Starbucks, splurge on a Green Tea Latte (which they officially don’t have at Peet’s and I only allow myself to on rare occasions due to the sugar/dairy content) and write for an hour until she is done.
Let me tell you though, the moment I pulled up to the Starbucks in downtown San Jose (3rd and Santa Clara St), I was definitely missing my neighborhood Peet’s big time!! I’m now thinking maybe this isn’t the most ideal writing location around but it should be pretty safe and it is 3PM in the afternoon, right? Plus, it’s a Starbucks. If you’ve been in one, you’ve been in them all but as I opened the door, I knew I wasn’t in Kansas anymore and I definitely wasn’t feeling any positive mojo in here AT ALL. Amazing, how 3rd and San Fernando is cool and hip but just one block away at 3rd and Santa Clara St, uh, not so much.
So, since I was already inside, clutching my laptop across my chest with an iron grip figuring I could use it as a shield or a weapon if needed, I treated myself to a green tea latte and decided, maybe I’ll just hang out in the Prius instead since I had already put in my 4 quarters in the meter and didn’t have any more left to move parking spots. Just lock the doors and don’t make any eye contact. Got it.
And you know what? Sitting in my car didn’t sound so bad because I LOVE MY PRIUS! I’m talking love, love, love. I’m not sure what it is about this car but from the moment I test drove it off the lot, I felt something special about it. For me, it’s not just the 45 miles to the gallon that makes my heart sing, there is a certain energy that this car has that really resonates with my soul. I bonded with it instantly and I truly don’t know what it is but I just feel good in it..which makes my BMW 330ci extremely jealous.
See, what is interesting about this is that before I purchased this car, I had a BMW. Actually, I still have it. It sits on the right side in my garage doing “absolutely nothing”. Hmm. I just realized now, that is super ironic! Please note for the record, I loved, loved, loved my BMW when I first purchased it as well but in a totally different way. Let me describe this beauty to you. It’s the 330i model (which was a bigger engine than the 323 model because, well, bigger is better right? Right.) I choose the sleek silver color, 2 door, convertible, 6 speed manual transmission, gray leather interior plus it had the sports package which means a lot of extra handling stuff that my feminine energy didn’t know what all the fuss was about, but my masculine energy was in 7th heaven.
My favorite feature of this stylish mobile is definitely the seat warmers. There are 3 temperatures; warm buns, toasty buns and sweaty buns. Yep, I’m talking if I had it on the highest level, it felt like my buns were literally going to catch on fire. En Fuego baby! The energy that I felt in this car was pure power. And this is why, when I went to think about trading it in or selling it to get something else, Mr. E said no f*ing way and he meant it. It wasn’t just a car, it represented everything I was at the time I bought it. A young, attractive, successful executive, climbing the corporate ladder. And I had the vehicle to prove it. Yes, there was no way Mr. E was going to give that up for some 4 door, Japanese hybrid B.S.
But we agreed to buy the Prius and keep the BMW too because I had paid cash for it and even though she’s in mint condition, she does have 100K miles on her so I wasn’t going to get a ton of money by selling it. So we decided she can just sit in the garage and look pretty. And that is exactly what she does. I think I have maybe put 500 miles on it in the last 3 years. And yes, I know that isn’t great for it to just sit there but Mr. E just can’t seem to part with it. It’s not what it is, it’s what I was in it and he’s not ready to give that up so easily.
I snap out of my writing state as I abruptly hear a woman yell, “And I’m going to call the police”. She is standing about 5 feet away from my car on the sidewalk..what is heck is happening here? I look in my rear view mirror see some strange guy yelling at her from the Starbucks corner. She dials 911 from her cell phone and I can hear her conversation, asking to send a police car over to this location, this guy is threatening her and her son, etc. I’m watching this closely, checking my door locks, but after a few minutes she walks away and he settles down to hang out with his 2 new homeless buddies and there are no cops in sight. Note to self.
Ok, so maybe this isn’t the greatest location after all. And from the moment I heard her yell, Hyper-V and PTSD were on the scene in a nanosecond, now triple checking my door locks and searching for a sharp object in case I needed to defend myself thus ending my afternoon writing session. I definitely can’t write now because need to be on alert watching for gun fire or whatever. Darn, I should have bought that purse pepper spray that I saw in the check out aisle of Office Depot the other day. Yep, I’m definitely not going to meet my future husband on this outing and you know what, this time that is totally fine by me. Let’s roll because it’s time to pick up my daughter anyway and then grab some dinner.
I wonder what banana slugs have for dinner? Out of nowhere, I immediately hear the word, Pizza. Excellent. That makes perfect sense.