Well, it looks like I definitely broke all of the rules yesterday. No shower which obviously means zero attempt at any beauty regiment. No meditation although I sat in my meditation room most of that day, which kinda counts, right? (Wrong.) I started writing around 10AM instead of waiting until noon, then didn’t eat lunch until 2:45PM, which is about 2-3 hours off my usual schedule. My clothing choices were a complete nightmare, does a cream cable knit cardigan sweater go with black spandex yoga pants and slippers? (Um, no, I don’t think so.) I looked in the mirror once and actually startled myself. It wasn’t pretty. On the positive side, I wrote most of the day and the sweating thing seems to have subsided. (Thank gosh for that!) That could have been a real deal breaker. I’m positive it had something to do with those underwear. Too much skin coverage which was clearly making me over heat.
Now, since yesterday was a complete disaster, I decided I would to try and smooth things over today because as much as the Ego isn’t always the nicest guy, it’s not his fault per se. He’s part of me regardless so I want to give him a little love too. 🙂
I am pleased to announce, I am showered, beautified, matching, fed, meditated (not to be confused with medicated)…oh wait, I really wanted to read a little bit this morning before I started writing. Shoot. The funny thing is, prior to the last couple of weeks, if I had any spare time I had, I would read. Now, I write. I miss reading. Hmm. I wonder if my reading side feels well, neglected? As we talked about yesterday, I really do love reading with all of my heart. Reading has always been there for me. Dependable, reliable, stable, safe, educational, you know what I mean? In good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer (well, we’ll see about that one), but lately I’ve honestly been getting the feeling that there has been something else missing from my life. I’ve grown comfortable maybe even a little complacent and it would really be nice to have something to be excited and feel passionate about. You know, ignite the spark? And low and behold, guess who shows up? The writer! And I think she’s kinda cute. Yep, could definitely be trouble. Oh, I can see the conflict now… but I’m not ready to completely stray from my loyal reading companion yet, so I’ll be back in a little bit.
Ok, back from my reading session. And you know what? It felt good … just as good as writing. Interesting. I also inquired if the Student was feeling neglected and it said “No, whatever I want to do that makes me happy is fine. 🙂 “ Please note this wasn’t the kinda “fine” that secretly means, “I’m mad at you but just not going to tell you”, it was the real honest true kinda “fine” with a happy smiley face after it. My internal study buddy continued to say...if what makes you happy is reading, great and if there is something else that you would rather do in the moment, that’s awesome too! I’ve met the writer and I really like her. Wow. The Student who is close buddies with my Seeker has hooked up with the Writer and that three-some is so easy going, understanding, and supportive. Now that’s unconditional love and all totally backed by my Soul.
And you know what? I thought the writer might be mad when I stopped writing switched to reading this morning but she wasn’t either, actually she totally willing go with the flow too. Like this weekend, when we didn’t write, she was cool with it. Never once did she demand writing time. And this morning, when we took some extra time getting ready, she was fine with that too. (The good “fine” not the bad “fine”) Huh? Who would have thought and this is just another proof point, she is BFF’s with my Soul. This has all taken me a bit by surprise. I’m going to need to ponder on this for a bit and in the meantime, I do have some “not so understanding” voices that are gathering as we speak, so we might as well get this over with.
Today, I’m going to take you into observer mode with me. We all have the observer inside of us. It’s just a challenge to get there and stay there sometimes. It is our natural ability to watch our minds, our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions from a neutral perspective. It doesn’t get caught up in the story line or the emotional drama, it just watches and takes notes. The observer doesn’t have “to do” or “to be” anything (well, besides observant of course). So, I’m going to give you a front row seat with me from the observer perspective, so you can see what is happening with the voices from within.
Mr. E: I’d brought you all together today because of the recent changes happening around here over the last week or so. It doesn’t seem like our standard methods of operation are working any more. At least not with the writer. I’d like to hear each of your thoughts.
Mr. P: Well, I’ve tried everything possible to flag the quality of writing but it’s not working. I even brought in the Executive to see if we can make a project out of this but she’s not biting.
The Executive stands up. Hello Mr. E. Thanks for the invite. I have attempted to set some goals around the project but there isn’t much interest in putting together a strategic plan or measuring the output. I believe any alliance together regarding the writer is futile but I can give it one more try if you would like.
The Addict: I attempted to turning this into a workaholic thing but there is just isn’t any energy to leverage there. But you know, there is a lot of other things we can attempt to get addicted too so just let me know. 🙂
The Seeker: Sorry, I can’t help. She isn’t seeking out any external knowledge at this time and I’m curious about a ton of stuff that I would really like to learn about but it seems to not the right timing. And I got a call yesterday to switch teams, so I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be here.
The Student: I haven’t been getting much air time these days because she seems to know enough to write about. The writer is actually tapping into transforming me from a student to a teacher so I’m evolving through this process as well.
Hyper V: I’ve tried to keep her on alert for danger about making mistakes with the spelling thing since we know that is a hot button but she just doesn’t seem to care. I can hardly even get her to worry about the grammar and editing part. I really don’t think I can be of any help here either.
PTSD: I have thrown a couple of fear pictures at her but nothing is sticking. I tried putting some pressure on her by flowing the ideas so fast she couldn’t keep up and get overwhelmed, it lasted for about a minute and then she dropped it. I can’t find how to throw her off track with this. There is nothing from the past we can attach to on this one.
Mr. E.: Ok, I understand. That’s what I thought. I’ve been trying every tool myself for a week but I can’t seem to get any fear, uncertainty or doubt generated at the moment either. Definitely, there is no guilt or shame here. I’m actually surprised at how open the writer is to sharing the good and the bad. I have tried all of my standard tricks like distraction, procrastination, obligation, expectation, you name it. Nothing.
But, you know me. I’ll never give up so it might be best to wait it out. Let the writer step into the drivers seat for a while and we can see what happens. It’s just a matter of time before she stumbles and then we can jump back in and take her down. As we know, she’s got a lot of power right now because she has partnered up with the Soul on this one so let’s not waste too much energy. We will strike when the time is right.
Mr. E. continues: Mr. Executive, if we could take one more run at it together, let’s give it a shot. If that doesn’t work. We’ll just wait. Our time will come, it always does. This is harder than I thought it would be but we will be patient. And Mr. P., you know we have been very close. Your service has been amazing. Our partnership has lasted a long time but I’ve got a feeling our days are numbered together. There is a shift happening and if I were you, I’d start looking for a new place to go. I really hate to see you leave because you have been my #1 “go to guy” but all good things must come to an end. Your legacy will always live on.
Mr. P: Yes, I understand. Just call me anytime you need me. I’m only a phone call away.
Well, there you have it. The writer is clearly shaking things up a bit, don’t you think? Man, I do! I can hardly believe what is going on inside of myself! I wanted to show you this inner dialog with assignments so we could talk a little more about these characters. Think about them like a persona, a different part of one’s personality that has specific roles and functions. The word that I learned them through is is “Archetypes” and by listening and studying myself, I was really able to hone into them. The definition of archetype is simple. An archetype is a universally understood symbol, term or pattern of behavior.
When I use the character or archetypical term like; The Writer, The Seeker, The Executive, The Perfectionist – you already have a pretty good idea in your mind of what that means. Now of course, the specific details of these characteristics change for each individual and meld into different qualities when venture backed by the Ego or the Soul.
For example, the Executive is a very strong archetype within me. That can have it’s positive and negative attributes depending on who he is having lunch with and what he is looking to accomplish. He can team up with the good guys like my Soul and shape shift into the Entrepreneur side of him who likes to build things or he can get buddy-buddy with my Addict and turn into a Workaholic. Make sense?
There are many ways to figure out your own personas or archetypes. And the first step that happens is the observer, today is just to listen. Start to hear those what those voices are saying, how they are acting both physically and mentally but don’t get dragged into the party.
Here is an example, one archetype that I am not nor would I think anyone refer to me as is the Athlete. 🙂 I don’t have a ton of interest in doing a lot of sports. I don’t mind watching, just not doing. It’s just not my thing in this lifetime. But I was a cheerleader in high school (and I still have the skirt to prove it) but an athlete, not so much. Now I can be a little competitive (mostly with myself more than others) plus a little rah-rah “you can do it” and maybe a throw a lesson or two in there as well and my Executive turns into a “Coach/Mentor” which is strong archetype within me as well. Think about words you use to describe yourself, see if you can put them into a few character like forms and then watch your thoughts and see if they match up. We all have a lot of them and they are present and dominate at different points in our life. That is why I am fascinated with this writer chick. She has never shown up before and now that she’s here, she means business! 😉
We all have traits that we love and those that we’d like to ditch but just can’t quite figure out how to do. Remember the first step of any good recovery program? Admit that you have a problem. Once you identify a few of these voices, I can promise you, they are much easier to live with and hopefully aren’t keeping you up all night!
Well, I’m off to meditation class! See you tomorrow!