Today, I am a Writer.
There. It’s done. I woke up this morning and just decided to own it. It’s as simple as that. Well, isn’t never really quite that easy and doubt will certainly come crawling back in to haunt me at a low point in the future but at the moment, I’m going with it. Of course, I am compelled to come up with some justification for this grand new statement to ensure my ego wouldn’t throw up all over it, so here is it. Ready? Ok. Obviously, I am wri-ting which makes me a wri-tor. Brilliant! Signed, sealed and delivered. It’s official. Now, I have purpose! Now, I have meaning! Now, I have no clean underwear! Sad, but true. All of this incredible writing over the last 2 days has forced me to neglect my standard duties in life, the most important one staring me in the face at this very moment was the realization of my laundry status.
Remember, when I told you I was taking some time off from work? Well, I think it’s been about 2 weeks now and guess what I have been doing in those last 2 weeks? Um. Nothing. No, really. I mean it. Like “Super Nothing”. How do I know this? My underwear drawer says so. I regret to inform everyone that at this very moment, I’m wearing the most ugly, plain white cotton, old style, high rise, not sure what I was thinking when I purchased these 10 years ago underwear. I’d like to be generous and maybe describe them as “bikini style” but that’s a stretch. I’m thinking they are definitely from my post pregnancy era which was a long ass time ago. It’s my back up pair to my back up pair, the very last pair hidden way back in the corner of the drawer, almost like they were excluded from the popular club. Pushed aside by the colorful, sassy bunch that usually rules this space.
I actually have no idea why they are still hanging on for dear life in the first place. It’s the one and only pair of underwear that when I desperately have to resort to pulling them out twice a year, I literally think to myself…. “I hope I don’t have some emergency trip to the hospital today, am unconscious, meet the man of my dreams (Doctor, Fireman, EMT,) who instantly falls madly in love with me and as he is frantically trying to save my life with every medical procedure known to mankind, he sees me wearing these granny briefs and it ruins everything!!!” I truthfully have this thought every time I wear these underwear and I’m totally not kidding.
So, first things first. Do a load of laundry. Then, burn these damn underwear! At least for my future husband’s sake. I also realized this morning, I’m going to need to place some time limits on this whole new writing thing, especially now that I am officially a writer. (Insert sound effect of a cracking whip after every time I say the word “writer” to ensure full dramatic effect.) Because based on the amount of time I have been writing the last 2 days, I could just write and write and write, all day long, every day and do nothing else. And while my workaholic gene is celebrating, falling off the wagon and doing the drunken happy dance, I know this is not a good spend of all my new found free time. See, the entire reason for me not taking another consulting project or committing to another full time position was to rest. Yes, rest. Now, I must confess, I’ve tried this whole time off thing before a few months ago by just working “part-time” but that didn’t go so well. I found that I just filled my time with a lot of other stuff instead and work slowly started creeping back up again. #(*$&$%
Believe me, giving myself permission not to work has not been an easy task. The only way I could negotiate with myself to really completely disconnect and truly take this time period off full time was to say…Don’t worry, you aren’t really going to “do nothing”, you are going to “do something” and that something is “resting”. Resting is technically “doing” something, right? I mean, what you ARE “doing” IS “resting”. Get it? As crazy as it sounds, this actually calms the beast within. I know. I know. The hoops I have to go through in my own mind to keep all of these voices from complete guerrilla warfare should “technically” be classified as “insanity”.
Back to “resting”. Here was the multi-voice approved list things I can do on my rest time.
1) Projects that I was going to complete to make my life better, easier. Clean the garage, organize my closets, unpack all my books, complete all of the misc house projects, hang pictures, get new drapes for the office, etc.
2) Make time to do all of the other things that are very important that you say you do not have time to do consistently when you are working. Meditate, exercise, cook nutritious homemade meals, be outdoors, spend more time with the family, kids, etc.
Deal. All voices in favor say Aye. Good. Now, let me show you the end results of week 1 = Zero. Here we go again. Back to the whole numbers thing.
Ok, well, I did meditate every day for 20 min and cooked a little more than usual. I had a few lunch appointments and I also had my kids that week so the Mom taxi was in full effect for drop offs, pick ups, trips to the mall, etc. But here is the reality of the situation. Most of my so called time was spent being totally unproductive. Surfing the Internet, watching TV, napping, reminiscing about the life I once had as a successful executive that I chose to leave behind in pursuit of something more meaningful. And this was it? Wow. Super meaningful. But, I was in recovery I told myself. Detox. You know, the adjustment period? THIS WEEK, is actually the week that I am really going to kick into high gear. Look out! Here I am! Super fly. Super charged. Super duper productive. Super hero in my white cotton wonder briefs! Then, guess what happened. I uncovered my next new fabulous crime fighting adventure!! DUN, DUN, DUUNN! This blog!
It’s a sign! It’s the universe telling me, this is exactly what I should be doing right now in this very moment. My future. My calling. My little blog that will go viral someday, turn into a best selling book that then will turn into a screen play, that of course will be picked up as a movie all to be played by..(hmm I need to put some thought into that one) but you can visualize where this is all going, right? It’s simply meant to be! Um, cute. Nice try, Wonder Woman.
See, nothing would ruin my WA recovery status quicker than pretending like I have a new “job” (writing that is) and now I’m going to completely dive into “writing” 12 hours a day. Dress it all up with some destiny and my soul totally wants to buy into it…hook, line and sinker. Except now, on Day 2/3 whatever, something is starting to smell a little fishy around here.
“Patience, grasshopper. Yes, you can write but you don’t need to do it all day long, every day. Find balance . Let it flow with ease like water. Do not let it be the only thing that sustains you. Relax. Rest. Be.”
Ah, deep breath. I’m coming back down to earth. Yes, the beautiful voice of the feminine spirit. I hear you loud and clear, girlfriend. I’m listening. We all have energy within us that is both masculine and feminine. And it does not matter if you are a physically a male or a female. It is the energetic aspect that makes up the nature of every human being. A wonderful visual of this is the Chinese Yin/Yang (black and white) symbol. The masculine energy (Yang) is directed, focused, logical, and action oriented. A great example to think about it in an earth element is fire and also the Sun. Feminine energy (Yin) is intuitive, feeling, allowing and being. Water and the Moon represent the female qualities. Many people have a natural tenancy to lean more towards one side than another.
Can you guess which side I lean towards? Yep, go get the fire extinguisher. I run A LOT of male energy. On a positive note, this has served me well in in many aspects of my life, especially my business career. But there is the downside, I struggle to find the balance, harmony and peace with my feminine side. It’s a real a challenge for me to truly SLOWWW DOWNNNN!! To ease up, soften up, lighten up, especially on myself. 😉 I have been working on embracing the female aspect in my world for a while and I can definitely tell you I’m getting better at it. Baby steps. Spending time in nature helps. Taking time out to enjoy baths and indulging in luxurious self care products like body lotions and beauty treatments. I even decided to paint my new bedroom a light and dreamy cotton candy pink. For anyone who saw my last home and bedroom decor, it’s a 180 degree turn. And I must say, I’m loving it! How about you? What type of energy do you run most of the time and how is your balance? Anything special you could do tomorrow to treat self in order to bring a little more male or female energy into your life? I’d love to hear about it.
Well, I better go check on my 24 fresh sexy pairs of you know whats so I’ll be ready to rock out my gorgeous self tomorrow. 🙂 And by the way, why do we call it a pair of underwear when there is only one?